Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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