I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
