I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize