here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
