im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
