Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
