So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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