Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
