You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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