somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is it penis luge time yet?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So here I am, sexting at work.
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