Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
