we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
