is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
