do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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