I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
