oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
