did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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