I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
