Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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