my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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