I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
