overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
