If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
