it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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