I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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