how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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