There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
