Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
