well I can't set my house on fire every night
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
