Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
