Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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