singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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