Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
