We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
