shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
