I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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