The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
