I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
