Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm sobbing to NWA
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
