It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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