Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
