oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
