Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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