I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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