Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
