Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
