Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
