I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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