So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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