theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
