I can text with my tongue
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
