theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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