Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
