sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
