I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
