omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
