I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
