Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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